why?
Maybe it's because I start writing on a post mostly in the evening, after being under so much stress during the day and under the pressure of knowing that I have a ton of other things that need to be finished, but I can't escape the feeling that people in general have no idea what happiness is. They have no idea what makes them happy, or maybe they do, but they're just afraid to act on it. Am I happy? I guess. Have I always been happy? No. What do I do to be happy? I have no idea. Why? Because I don't take the time to think about it. I am afraid that if I do it, I'll unleash demons that shouldn't see the light of day and I'll realize I've been fooling myself all along. Sure, I enjoy a good talk with a dear friend (you know who you are and you know how much your advice means to me), and after that I can say I am happy, but as one of my good friends the other day said: YOU make happiness happen. Sometimes I wonder, what is it that I want? Why do I keep pushing myself and others around me? Why am I so unhappy when a certain person just does not want to be helped? Why can't I accept people just the way they are? Why do I get upset when certain "friends" only call me when they need something? Why does it bother me when a certain someone didn't tell me the truth about a situation? Why does it bother me when I get the feeling that the same person doesn't really care about me?I was working out the other evening and I usually let my thoughts run around free in my head during training. And I found myself running faster and faster because that gave me the feeling that I was in total control and that I was getting rid of all the negative energy...
yeah, i know, a friend of mine, after reading this post, would remind me of the "98% rule", but it's just something I have been thinking about.
posted by soranelle @ 8:49 PM
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